Illustration for 113 Words to Describe a Handsome Man

113 Words to Describe a Handsome Man

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This is the companion to a page about describing a woman, and it is built the same way on purpose, because the two are most useful read together. The interesting fact about describing a man is not that there are many words for it. It is that some of them attach to men and not to women, and the dictionaries are the place to check which.

This page lists 113 words to describe a handsome man, each with its meaning. Every one was checked for an adjective entry of its own in Merriam-Webster or Oxford. Nine words that a novelist would reach for without hesitating — broad-shouldered, square-jawed, cleft-chinned, sharp-featured, heavy-lidded, silver-haired among them — turned out to have no dictionary entry at all, and are not counted here.

Two different things are marked, and the brackets say which. A label in round brackets is one a dictionary prints, and 48 words carry one. A mark in square brackets — [not a compliment], [depends on the sentence] — is this page’s own reading of how the word lands about a real man: 21 and 28 words respectively.

62 entries carry a note on what the word assumes or drags with it — most about sex, and a handful about race, class or age. The last section holds the 17 where sex is the main thing to know. Where a dictionary genders a word the note quotes it exactly, because the hedges differ and the difference matters: Oxford prints of a man on dapper, usually of men on debonair, and especially of a man on suave. Those are three different claims.

All 113 words at a glance

affable, aloof, aquiline, athletic, austere, avuncular, baby-faced, bald, balding, barrel-chested, bearded, beefy, beetle-browed, boyish, brawny, brooding, bull-necked, burly, cadaverous, callow, careworn, charming, cherubic, chiselled, chivalrous, clean-shaven, cocksure, craggy, dapper, dashing, debonair, decrepit, dishevelled, distinguished, doddering, elderly, elegant, fastidious, flabby, florid, foppish, frail, fresh-faced, gallant, gangly, gaunt, good-looking, grandfatherly, grizzled, hale, handsome, hard-bitten, hoary, hulking, immaculate, imposing, jowly, laconic, lanky, lantern-jawed, lean, leathery, leonine, loose-limbed, louche, manly, masculine, middle-aged, muscular, natty, patrician, paunchy, polished, portly, rakish, rangy, raw-boned, roguish, ruddy, rugged, sallow, sardonic, saturnine, scarred, scrawny, scruffy, seedy, self-possessed, sinewy, slight, smarmy, spry, squat, stocky, stout, strapping, suave, swarthy, swashbuckling, thickset, towering, trim, unkempt, unlined, urbane, venerable, virile, weathered, weedy, well-built, wiry, wolfish, youthful

Build and physical presence

The largest section, and the one where a writer has most choice. Note how few of these are neutral: strapping and burly approve, scrawny and weedy do not, and squat writes the disapproval into the definition itself, so it cannot be used to describe a body without also judging it.

Adjective What it means
athletic of or relating to athletes and athletics; physically strong, fit and active
beefy heavily and powerfully built; big and strong through the body (informal) [depends on the sentence] — Worth knowing: nothing in either dictionary genders it; said of a man it is half-admiring, of a woman generally insulting – our reading, not recorded.
brawny physically strong, with well-developed muscles (informal; same sense as burly)
bull-necked having a thick, short, powerful neck [depends on the sentence] — Worth knowing: neither dictionary genders it; the description is applied almost only to men – ours, not recorded.
burly strongly and heavily built, physically big and strong with large muscles (same sense as brawny) — Worth knowing: neither dictionary genders it; in practice it is used of men almost to the exclusion of women – that asymmetry is ours, not recorded.
cadaverous of or relating to a corpse; of a person, deathly pale, thin and looking ill (literary; same sense as gaunt) [not a compliment]
flabby lacking resilience or firmness; covered with soft, loose fat (disapproving) [not a compliment]
gangly tall and thin, and awkward in movement, as if loosely jointed (same sense as lanky) [not a compliment]
gaunt excessively thin and angular, often from illness, hunger or worry (same sense as cadaverous)
hulking very large and heavy, and presented as intimidating because of it [not a compliment] — Worth knowing: neither dictionary genders it; in practice it attaches overwhelmingly to men – ours, not recorded.
imposing impressive to look at, whether in size, bearing, dignity or grandeur [depends on the sentence]
lanky ungracefully tall and thin, with long arms and legs (same sense as gangly) [depends on the sentence]
lean lacking or deficient in flesh; without much fat, and fit with it (usually approving) — Worth knowing: Oxford scopes sense 1 “(of people, especially men, or animals)” – men are favoured but not required, and animals sit in the same breath.
loose-limbed able to move in a very free and relaxed way, without stiffness (literary)
muscular relating to the muscles; of a person, having large, well-developed muscles
paunchy having a potbelly; carrying fat around the stomach [not a compliment] — Worth knowing: no dictionary gendering; in practice it is aimed at middle-aged men – our observation.
rangy able to range over long distances; of a person, long-limbed and slender
raw-boned relatively thin, with a prominent, heavy bone structure showing under the skin (North American English)
scrawny exceptionally thin and meagre in body, in an unattractive way (disapproving) [not a compliment] — Worth knowing: used of both sexes, but on a man it lands as a verdict on failed physical strength; that reading is ours, not recorded.
sinewy full of sinews; of a person, having a thin body and strong muscles (same sense as wiry)
slight having a slim or delicate build; small and thin in the body [depends on the sentence] — Worth knowing: on a man it tends to be heard as a shortfall of physical presence rather than a neutral measurement; no dictionary records this – the reading is ours.
squat short and wide in a way that is not attractive [not a compliment]
stocky compact, sturdy and relatively thick in build; short, with a solid body (same sense as thickset) [depends on the sentence] — Worth knowing: Our own note: this is the one build word on the page that is usually meant kindly. Its cross-referenced twin `thickset` is restricted to men by Oxford; this one is not.
stout of the body, fat and thickly built; the older sense of brave and firm survives mainly in fixed phrases (same sense as portly) [depends on the sentence]
strapping big, tall and strong, with a vigorously sturdy constitution (informal) — Worth knowing: Oxford restricts it only to “(of people)”; the strong pull toward lads and young men is our observation, not the dictionary’s.
towering extremely tall or high, and impressive because of it [depends on the sentence]
trim neat and compact in line or structure; of a person, slim and physically fit
weedy having a thin, weak body (informal, disapproving) [not a compliment] — Worth knowing: neither dictionary genders it; in use it is thrown at men and boys for a physique judged unmanly – our observation.
well-built built to be strong and to work well; of a person, solidly and strongly made — Worth knowing: nothing genders it in either dictionary; of a man it is read as muscle, of a woman as figure – that split is ours, not recorded.
wiry thin but strong, supple and springy, resembling wire in form and flexibility (same sense as sinewy)

Face and features

Faces, and the section where fiction’s favourite words turned out not to exist. Craggy and chiselled survive; a good deal of what usually sits beside them does not. Handsome sits here rather than in the last section, because Oxford genders it in both directions at once.

Adjective What it means
aquiline of a nose, thin and curved like an eagle’s beak (formal) — Worth knowing: Neither dictionary labels this beyond Oxford’s (formal), and Merriam-Webster prints no usage paragraph. Our own note: the word belongs to the vocabulary of physiognomy, where a nose was read as evidence of ancestry and rank – the same nose has been called aquiline on one face and something else on another.
baby-faced having a face that looks young and innocent [depends on the sentence]
beetle-browed having heavy, overhanging brow ridges; also scowling or sullen in expression
cherubic of or resembling a cherub; innocently and attractively childlike in the face (formal) [depends on the sentence]
chiselled formed or crafted as if with a chisel; of a face, clear and strongly cut — Worth knowing: Our own note: a chiselled jaw is claimed for men far more often than for women. A chiselled cheekbone is not – that is said of anyone.
craggy full of crags; of a face, strongly featured and deeply lined (usually approving; same sense as rugged)
fresh-faced having a young, healthy and innocent appearance (approving)
good-looking pleasing and attractive in appearance (same sense as handsome) — Worth knowing: Neither dictionary genders it. Oxford’s ‘(especially of people)’ excludes animals and objects, not women.
handsome attractive in a pleasing and usually dignified way (same sense as good-looking) — Worth knowing: Oxford genders it in both directions – sense 1 is ‘(of men) attractive’ and sense 2 is ‘(of women) attractive, with large strong features rather than small light ones’. Merriam-Webster does not gender it at all.
jowly having full or sagging flesh about the lower cheeks and jaw [not a compliment]
lantern-jawed having a long, thin, hollow-cheeked face with a heavy protruding chin — Worth knowing: neither dictionary genders it; the long jaw and heavy chin it names are in practice described this way on men far more than on women – our observation, not a printed restriction.
leonine resembling or suggestive of a lion, in the face, the hair or the bearing (literary) — Worth knowing: Neither dictionary genders it – the skew is ours. In practice the leonine head and mane are almost always a man’s, since the image leans on the maned male lion rather than the lioness.
wolfish suggesting a wolf: a hungry, predatory look, or a grin that bares the teeth (especially literary) [depends on the sentence] — Worth knowing: Our own note: of a man this usually reports open sexual appetite aimed at someone, so it describes his conduct rather than his looks.

Colouring, skin and hair

Read this section with more care than the others. Several of these words assume a pale complexion as the default and describe everything else as a departure from it — ruddy only means anything about a face that visibly reddens, and sallow calls a yellow or olive tone unhealthy, and florid is a face that Oxford says is naturally red rather than flushed. Swarthy carries a history of its own. Each entry here says what it assumes.

Adjective What it means
bald with little or no hair left on the head — Worth knowing: neither dictionary genders it. Our note: on a man it reads as plain description, because male pattern hair loss is expected; of a woman the same word implies illness or a deliberate shave, and is never neutral.
balding in the process of losing the hair on the head — Worth knowing: no dictionary gendering, though both of Oxford’s examples are men: “a short balding man with glasses”; “He’s in his twenties but already balding.” Our note: the same asymmetry as bald – descriptive of a man, loaded of a woman.
florid of a face, naturally rather red in colour rather than flushed; also very elaborate in style (usually disapproving in the ‘elaborate’ sense; same sense as ruddy) [depends on the sentence]
grizzled sprinkled or streaked with grey; having grey or partly grey hair (literary) — Worth knowing: Our own note: grey hair is called distinguished on a man far more readily than on a woman, and this word carries the same skew.
hoary of hair, grey or white with age (old-fashioned; literary in the ‘stale’ sense) — Worth knowing: Our own note: of a person it is faintly mocking, carrying over the sense of something stale from long repetition.
leathery resembling leather; of skin, looking and feeling hard and tough [depends on the sentence] — Worth knowing: Our own note, and the partner of `weathered`: the same sun-worn skin. On a man it is offered as texture and character; the identical skin on a woman is not described this way.
ruddy of a face, showing a strong reddish colour (same sense as florid) — Worth knowing: Our own note: a face only reddens visibly if it is pale, so this word cannot describe a dark-skinned man at all. It is not a general word for looking well.
sallow of skin, yellowish or greyish in tone rather than pink — Worth knowing: Our own note: calling a yellow or olive tone unhealthy takes a pale pink complexion as the standard. Use it of a change in someone’s colour, not of their colouring.
scarred having or marked by a scar or many scars [depends on the sentence] — Worth knowing: Our own note: on a man a scar is routinely written as character, which is what this whole page does with damage. Written about a real person with facial scarring it is not a neutral description.
swarthy of a person, dark in complexion [not a compliment] — Worth knowing: Neither dictionary labels it. Our own note: it marks a man as darker than the writer’s assumed norm, and Merriam-Webster’s own recent citations show it still doing racialised work rather than merely describing colour.

Style and grooming

How he is turned out, which is about effort rather than looks. Natty and immaculate are compliments; foppish, in the last section, is the same care described by someone who disapproves of it. Oxford marks natty old-fashioned, which is worth knowing before reaching for it.

Adjective What it means
bearded having hair grown on the chin, jaw and often the cheeks — Worth knowing: neither dictionary restricts it. Our note: of a man it is ordinary description of a grooming choice; of a woman it is always a remarking-on-it word, never neutral.
dishevelled marked by disorder or disarray – hair, clothes and general appearance all thoroughly untidy (same sense as unkempt) [depends on the sentence]
elegant attractive and showing a good sense of style, in dress, movement and manner alike
fastidious extremely careful that every detail is right, sometimes to the point of excess [depends on the sentence]
immaculate spotlessly clean and tidy, without a mark, crease or flaw anywhere
natty neat and tidy in dress, and fashionable with it (old-fashioned, informal; same sense as dapper) — Worth knowing: Oxford prints no gender restriction on this one, unlike `dapper`. It does mark it old-fashioned.
scruffy dirty or untidy in appearance, with clothes worn or uncared for (informal; same sense as unkempt) [not a compliment]
seedy dirty and unpleasant in appearance, and suggesting some connection with disreputable or illegal goings-on (disapproving) [not a compliment]
unkempt uncombed and not properly cared for; untidy in the hair, the clothes and the whole appearance (formal; same sense as dishevelled, scruffy) [not a compliment]

Manner and bearing

Presence and manner, and the section a description most often forgets. Self-possessed, laconic and saturnine say more about a man than any number of words for his jaw.

Adjective What it means
aloof removed or distant from others, whether physically or in feeling [not a compliment]
austere stern and cold in appearance or manner; of things, plain and without decoration [depends on the sentence]
brooding moodily or sullenly thoughtful, with an air that can seem sad or threatening (literary) [depends on the sentence] — Worth knowing: no dictionary gendering. Our note: as a compliment it is a male archetype – Merriam-Webster’s own example under the adverb is “a broodingly handsome actor” – while of a woman the same word usually reports plain sullenness.
charming extremely pleasing and delightful, so that people warm to you at once
cocksure wholly certain of oneself, sometimes on inadequate grounds, in a way that annoys others (old-fashioned, informal) [not a compliment]
distinguished marked by eminence and excellence; also having an appearance that draws respect — Worth knowing: no dictionary gendering, and sense 1 (eminence) is not gendered at all. Our note: the appearance sense is, in practice – Oxford’s own example is “I think grey hair makes you look very distinguished”, and grey hair is far more often called distinguished on a man than on a woman.
gallant showy in dress or bearing; also brave, especially in a difficult situation — Worth knowing: neither dictionary genders the adjective’s subject – both gender only its object: Merriam-Webster 3 “courteously and elaborately attentive especially to ladies”, Oxford 2 “giving polite attention to women”. The male-person gendering sits in Merriam-Webster’s separate noun entry (“a young man of fashion”, “LADIES’ MAN”), which is not this word.
hard-bitten toughened and steeled by hard experience – not easily shocked, and not given to showing emotion [depends on the sentence] — Worth knowing: Our own note: the word lives in the same frontier-masculinity register as `weathered` and `rugged`. Merriam-Webster’s own citation is of a chief enduring desert heat.
laconic using very few words, sometimes to the point of seeming rude or mysterious
louche not reputable or decent, though often attractive despite that (especially British, formal) [depends on the sentence]
masculine having the qualities or appearance considered typical of men — Worth knowing: Oxford does NOT restrict this one to men, and its example is pointedly open: ‘I feel quite masculine in this suit’.
patrician of or belonging to the highest social rank (formal) — Worth knowing: Our own note: applied to a face rather than a family, this claims that high birth is visible in a person’s features.
polished made smooth and glossy by polishing; of a person, refined and assured in manner
rakish having the dissolute, disreputable character of a rake; also jauntily unconventional [depends on the sentence] — Worth knowing: neither adjective entry restricts it to men. Our note: both dictionaries define the first sense off the noun rake, which is a man, so the word carries a male tilt in practice that the adjective entry does not state.
roguish dishonest and unprincipled, in the manner of a rogue; also pleasantly mischievous (usually approving) [depends on the sentence] — Worth knowing: Our own note: built on `rogue`, a male-default noun, exactly as `rakish` is built on `rake`.
sardonic disdainfully or skeptically humorous, mocking others as though above them (disapproving) [not a compliment]
saturnine gloomy and forbidding in manner, and slow to warm to anyone (literary) [depends on the sentence]
self-possessed composed in mind and manner; calm and in command of yourself when a situation turns difficult
smarmy smug and ingratiating, with a politeness that rings false (informal, disapproving) [not a compliment]
swashbuckling acting with the swagger and daring of a sword-fighting adventurer [depends on the sentence] — Worth knowing: Our own note: there is no woman-shaped version of this word in ordinary use.

Age and the passage of time

The most loaded corner of this vocabulary. Venerable makes age an achievement, as distinguished does over in the manner section; decrepit and doddering make it a joke. Merriam-Webster prints on doddering that it is often used disparagingly, which is unusually direct for a dictionary.

Adjective What it means
boyish like or belonging to a boy; immature, or attractively young in looks and manner (approving) — Worth knowing: Oxford’s own example is a woman (“her slim boyish figure”), where it reads as slim and androgynous; on a man it reads as young and attractively unformed – that split is ours.
callow lacking adult sophistication; young and without experience (formal, disapproving) [not a compliment]
careworn showing the effect of grief or anxiety
decrepit worn out and broken down by old age [not a compliment] — Worth knowing: Our own note: of a person this is an insult rather than a description. It carries over from buildings past repair.
doddering unsteady on the feet and slow in the mind, from old age [not a compliment] — Worth knowing: Merriam-Webster prints that it is often used disparagingly. Our own note: it makes a joke of frailty and of memory loss.
elderly rather old, past the middle years of life – the polite word people reach for instead of old
frail easily broken or destroyed; of a person, physically weak and thin, especially in old age
hale free from defect, disease or infirmity; sound and vigorous, especially in old age
middle-aged neither young nor old – in the stretch of life running roughly from 45 to 64
spry able to move quickly, easily and lightly, said especially of an older person
unlined not marked with lines; of a face, smooth and free of wrinkles — Worth knowing: Our own note: on this page lines on a man are character, which makes their absence youth rather than beauty. The same is not true of how a woman’s face is described.
venerable commanding respect through age, character and achievement (formal) — Worth knowing: Our own note: like `distinguished`, this makes age itself the achievement. There is no equally admiring word applied as readily to an old woman.
weathered of a face, roughened and lined by years spent outdoors [depends on the sentence] — Worth knowing: Our own note, and the sharpest asymmetry on this page: a weathered face on a man is read as earned character, and the same face on a woman is not. Neither dictionary records the difference.
youthful of, relating to or characteristic of youth; young, or seeming younger than one’s years

Said of men far more than women

The section this page exists for, and every entry carries a note saying where the asymmetry comes from — quoted from a dictionary where one records it, labelled as ours where it does not. Words that turned out to carry no real asymmetry were moved out rather than left here to pad the section: lean is the clearest, since Oxford’s of people, especially men, or animals admits women in the same breath.

Adjective What it means
affable pleasant and at ease in talking to others; easy to fall into conversation with — Worth knowing: Merriam-Webster discusses the word in a ‘Did you know?’ block rather than a usage paragraph, and closes it by saying you should not shy away from describing a woman as affable.
avuncular kindly and genial in the way a good uncle is toward the young (formal) — Worth knowing: neither dictionary prints a “(of a man)” restriction, but both build the gendering into the definition itself: Merriam-Webster “suggestive of an uncle especially in kindliness or geniality”, Oxford “similar to the way a kind uncle treats his nieces or nephews”. There is no established female counterpart in ordinary use.
barrel-chested having a large, rounded chest, deep and wide through the ribs — Worth knowing: Oxford: “(usually of a man)”; Merriam-Webster does not gender it.
chivalrous valiant, and polite, kind and honourable in behaviour, especially towards women — Worth knowing: Oxford genders the subject with a bare plural: “(of men) polite, kind and behaving with honour, especially towards women”. Merriam-Webster leaves the subject open but genders the object at sense 3b: “marked by gracious courtesy and high-minded consideration especially to women”.
clean-shaven with the face shaved smooth and no facial hair left on chin or lip — Worth knowing: Oxford builds the man into the definition itself: “a man who is clean-shaven does not have a beard or moustache (= hair that has been allowed to grow on the face)”. Merriam-Webster does not gender it, and its wider first sense is not even face-specific – its cited example is “his clean-shaven head”.
dapper neat in appearance and nicely dressed, often brisk and lively with it (same sense as natty) — Worth knowing: Oxford: “(of a man)” – flat and unhedged, with no “usually” or “especially”, which makes it a stronger claim than the ones on debonair, suave or urbane. Merriam-Webster does not gender it, and its own example is plural and neutral: “looked very dapper in their uniforms”.
dashing attractive and full of confidence, with a spirited, vigorous air (old-fashioned) — Worth knowing: Oxford, sense 1: “(usually of a man)” – hedged with “usually”, and the hedge matters: Oxford’s second sense, of things (“a dashing red waistcoat”), is not gendered at all. Merriam-Webster does not gender it.
debonair fashionable and confident, with an easy lightness of manner (old-fashioned) — Worth knowing: Oxford: “(usually of men)” – a hedged plural, weaker than the flat “(of a man)” it puts on dapper. Merriam-Webster does not gender it.
foppish too interested in clothes and appearance, in the manner of a fop (old-fashioned) [not a compliment] — Worth knowing: Oxford: “(of a man) too interested in his clothes and the way he looks” – bare and unhedged, and the gendering runs on into the possessive “his”. Merriam-Webster does not gender it; it defines the word off the noun fop instead.
grandfatherly of or befitting a grandfather; kindly and indulgent toward the young — Worth knowing: Merriam-Webster prints no “(of a man)” restriction but builds the word on the male kinship term: “of, relating to, or befitting a grandfather”. Oxford Learner’s has no entry for it at all.
manly having the qualities or physical features admired or expected in a man (usually approving) — Worth knowing: Oxford marks it usually approving and builds the man into the definition, where ‘masculine’ is left unlabelled and open to anyone.
portly rather fat, and heavy in build (same sense as stout) [depends on the sentence] — Worth knowing: Oxford: “(especially of an older man)” – it restricts by both sex and age; Merriam-Webster does neither.
rugged having a rough, uneven surface – and, of a man’s face, roughly but attractively featured (approving; same sense as craggy) — Worth knowing: Merriam-Webster splits the two: sense 2a is neutral, “-used of a human face”, while 2b reads “of a man’s face : having rough but attractive features”; Oxford does not gender it, printing “(of somebody’s face)”.
suave smoothly gracious and sophisticated, sometimes in a way that does not seem sincere [depends on the sentence] — Worth knowing: Oxford: “(especially of a man)” – hedged with “especially”, a weaker restriction than the bare “(of a man)” on dapper. Merriam-Webster does not gender it.
thickset having a strong, heavy body, thick and solid through the trunk (same sense as stocky) — Worth knowing: Oxford: “(especially of a man)”; Merriam-Webster does not gender it at all.
urbane notably polite and smooth in manner, relaxed in company and always knowing what to say — Worth knowing: Oxford: “(especially of a man)” – the same hedge it puts on suave, and weaker than the bare “(of a man)” on dapper. Merriam-Webster does not gender it.
virile strong and full of energy, especially sexual energy (usually approving) [depends on the sentence] — Worth knowing: Oxford restricts sense 1 to ‘(of men)’ and marks it usually approving. Sense 2 – the strength and energy considered typical of men – is not restricted.

The ten that do the most work

  1. self-possessed — calm and in command of himself, and the least decorative compliment on this page
  2. laconic — says little, and the little counts — a manner, not a mood
  3. craggy — the face word both dictionaries take seriously, and Oxford marks it usually approving
  4. strapping — big and strong, and note the grammar: Oxford has it only before a noun, so a strapping lad works and he is strapping does not
  5. saturnine — gloomy and slow to warm, which is what brooding is usually reaching for
  6. weathered — a face made by years outdoors, and the clearest double standard on the page
  7. distinguished — age read as an achievement, which is the whole trick of the word
  8. dapper — neat and well turned out — Oxford restricts it to a man outright
  9. hale — old and still strong — it and spry are the two kind words for age here
  10. affable — easy to talk to, which describes what he is like to meet rather than to look at

Words people get wrong

Pair The difference that matters
handsome / good-looking The most surprising pair on the page, because the two dictionaries disagree about whether the word has a sex at all. Oxford genders handsome in both directions — sense 1 is of men, attractive, and sense 2 is of women, attractive, with large strong features rather than small light ones, illustrated with a tall, handsome woman. Merriam-Webster does not gender it anywhere. Good-looking is ungendered in both; Oxford’s especially of people excludes animals and objects, not women.
virile / masculine Oxford confines virile to men, marks it usually approving, and puts sexual energy in the definition. It leaves masculine open to anyone, and its example is pointedly unmarked: I feel quite masculine in this suit. So one of these is a claim about a man’s body and the other is a set of qualities. Merriam-Webster defines virile in one sense simply as masculine, which is worth knowing before treating them as opposites.
rugged / craggy Two words for the same face, and only one dictionary records a sex for either. Merriam-Webster says rugged is used of a man’s face — that is the single gendered statement in the pair. Oxford does not gender rugged, printing of somebody’s face and marking it approving, and neither dictionary genders craggy at all: Oxford has it as of a face, usually approving. So the male pull most readers feel in both words is written down in exactly one place, which is worth knowing before treating it as a rule.
dapper / debonair Both are about a man looking good, and Oxford genders both at different strengths: of a man on dapper, usually of men on debonair. The useful difference is what they describe. Dapper is dress — neat, trim, well turned out. Debonair is manner — confident and unbothered. Oxford also marks debonair old-fashioned, which dapper is not.
urbane / suave Oxford prints especially of a man on both, so this is a real pair rather than a manufactured one. Urbane is poise that comes from wide experience. Suave is the ability to handle people smoothly — and Oxford adds the warning: sometimes in a way that does not seem sincere. Only one of these is safe to write about someone you are recommending.

Checked against Merriam-Webster, the Chicago Manual of Style and the AP Stylebook. Spotted an error? Tell us — see our editorial policy.

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